About Me

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I'm an avid swing dancer, a proud Minnesotan by birth, and I've got a soft spot for Boston. I love anything British, used bookstores, and delicious smells emanating from the kitchen.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Sudden Realization... (i.e. one step closer to understanding my battle)

Talking to my mom this evening while I walked to the dance, I came to this sudden realization...I feel like having depression is unhealthy.

Unhealthy. Huh. I said it before I really understood what I was saying, and it hit me - this FITS. Pieces fell together like the end of Free Cell on automatic card-fly-up-to-Aces mode.

Depression is considered a mental disease. Ah, there's the rub: disease = sick = unhealthy. Right? Well, mental disease is different as their is no cure, no "getting well." (Well, at least not without a constant stream of medication.) But you see more clearly where my fight comes from now? I've always been healthy - as a child, as an adult. I do not often get sick. And when I do, I get very impatient while I wait for all the "sick" to go away. But, I can't fight this like a cold or the flu.

So, a recap, of sorts, on how I feel about my depression:
- The feeling of being broken... "broken" = sick, weak, unhealthy
- The desire to be normal... "normal" = healthy, ridden with disease
- Having control... "having control" = having the ability to be cured, made healthy again
- Saying goodby to me... I see "me" as a healthy individual, but winter changes "me" to unhealthy.

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